voice thru fingers

abundant life

2009-12-21T07:31:00.000-08:00

John 10:10:
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Lord, may i live my life to the full for you. that all things will fade in comparison to your love for me, and your call for me to draw near to you and do your will. i praise you because you, god, are jehovah jireh, my provider.

Amen

2009-12-20T21:27:00.001-08:00

I drift, I burn, I fly
When you sing lullabies
I'm helpless, I'm yearning
I'm like the putty in your hands

I laugh, I dream, I cry
When you take me on a roller coaster ride
You see me through and through
You see just who i am
Just take my hand and

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven Knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting for you

I had a dream that i
was falling from the sky
At 90 miles an hour
I was bound to crash and die
But out of nowhere you came and rescued me
There must be some grace in the touch of your face
I'm so happy that I've found you
I'm no longer afraid
http://www.free-lyrics.org/6003-Corrinne-May.html

Oh ' cause you
Save me from this place
Heaven knows i'm falling
For you my sweet embrace
Heaven knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting

Before i met you
Life was slow-mo
So slow-mo
I thought i had it figured out
But you came and turned my whole world upside down

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven knows
Heaven knows you've come to

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven Knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting for you
Waiting for you

i am such a spoilsport!

2009-12-20T20:35:00.000-08:00

i felt so stripped
i didn't know what to do
i felt angry
was it cause of you?
i have no idea

SHEESH

you're such a stinky kid, tay yan tze!!!!!!!
bath time.

The great I AM

2009-12-17T16:28:00.000-08:00

Lord

Praise you and thank you for all that you’ve done for me

Lord truly you are at work in my life, and I want to surrender it to you again

Daily

No matter the circumstance, will I let you take over

May you continue to mould and shape me

To be more like you each day

That I will never give up seeking this precious jewel

O lord, praise you for you are all I need

And you bless me beyond my desires

Lord, I thank you for everything you have allowed in my life, and for every failure and wrong thing I’ve done, that you use it for good.

Praise you, my perfect God!

For earth and treasures may drift away

But my God the lord of heaven and earth

Is with me till the very end of the age

My lord is beside me wherever I go

Within me always

And leading me in the sunrise

To seek Him

My Lord is the God of strength and humility

My king who washed the feet of his children

And his servants

My god is not limited by imagination

Nor the human mind

He is able to do things beyond that which I can see and hear

My god is always at work

Never ceasing in his love for me

Never away for a single moment

When I call on Him He is there

When I cry out to Him

He comforts me

When I serve Him

He places insurmountable joy in my heart

Praise the lord

My God

My heart’s king

My God is the one who empowers me

His strength glows in the darkness of my weakness

The same God who gave sight to my blindness

Is the God who parted

The red seas

Who cause the walls of Jericho

To come crashing down

My God is invincible

Righteous and great in power

He lives in me

And He has smiled upon me

Not because of what I have done

But because of who He is-

Love

My God, I praise you with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength

Because you desire for every fiber of my being to seek you

I lift up my all to You

May Your name be praised forever and ever

In the quietest depths of the ocean

In the nosiest crowd in the city

In the dark stillness of solitude

And in the peaceful morning of light

God, will your name be praised

Your servant bows down before you

Because I do not dare look upon your face

You are the great I AM

girl in the well - written on the bus ride home

2009-12-06T00:39:00.001-08:00

She’s leaning over the side of

The well

Looking deep into the water

Rain falls

She starts sitting in the shadows

That draw

Her little strength away from her

Away from the light and into fear

Into the abyss

Of her tears

She’s fallen over the side of

The well

Looking around her

She falls

She starts kicking and trashing

To stay

Afloat for her dear life here

Letting go is not an option near

Down she goes

Seems like years

She’s gotten up out of

The well

Looking back at the water

She smiles

She was so closed on receiving

The grace

Awaiting her before she floated

Just to drift and wait for fate

Unfolded it is

No more an abyss

=)

2009-12-04T04:28:00.000-08:00

i dont know how to help you but to pray for you
i dont know what to say that will be best for you
i dont know how i can be good for God and you
i dont know what is the best decision i can make
for you

sorrythankyoulala

beautiful seed by corrinne may

2009-12-03T08:37:00.000-08:00

Lord, you have worked a miracle in my life. Your servant bows down in awe of You. Your servant and Your child has nothing but praise and her heart for You. You have led me and guided me, called me, and shown me. I have no words to describe You. Will you lead me where You want me to go. I give my life to You. May Your will be done. You are God. I cry out to You. Amen

Beautiful Seed - Corrinne May

I can fill the darkness with just one flash of light

Break the the silence with just one word

Warm the fire-started revolution

One that can save the world

On the steps of Washington sprinkled like confetti

Thousands of people sing "We shall overcome"

The preacher shouts: "Let freedom ring"

He gave his life for what he believed

Chorus

You can be a witness You can be a prophet

You can make the whole world believe

Break the strongest fortress Change the way the world thinks

You can build a bridge where foes can meet

Hope for the future

Shout it, don't whisper dreams are what make them to be

There is hope in every heartbeat

Tiny as it seems

You're a beautiful seed

She's a pastor's daughter

She's only 16

But her heart and her belly are breaking at the seams

Her boyfriend blames her

He want to pay for the doctor to wash it away

As she lays in the hospital

A Christmas choir is singing

About a child in a manger fragile and small "Unto us is born a Savior"

She looks at her baby and cries as she sings him a lullaby

(Chorus)

Every hope, every power lies in the heart of a seed that flowers

Intertwined all across the land

We're all seeds in the maker's hand

Thank God for you ggp. God has used You. Thank God for you jason. God has used you to love me as a blessed friend. Thank God for You Donn, because He has shown His love for you and will continue to do so. Thank God for you, cheryl jie, for being ready to take action for God. Thank God for you, mei, for your enthusiasm. Thank God for you, jar, because He is working in your life. I'm so proud of you, so is God. Thank God for you, pa and ma, for loving me and allowing me to grow up and experience God. Thank God for you, angie, for He is holding you in His amazing hands. Thank God for you, kor joel, for guiding me with God's love. Thank God for all of you.

Thank God for problems, because through them i seek His help, and He allows me to overcome. Thank God for trials, because He loves me.

Thank God for my life!

This week has been emotional

But blessed :)

=)

2009-12-01T23:00:00.000-08:00

i'm sorry.
thank you.

supposed to be writing something else now. but if i were to exaggerate, this is how i feel now. cause i dont feel like doing what You told me to do. but i'll do it anyway. and go against my own nature. and desires. but all is fine. cause i've been blessed beyond measure.

2009-12-01T19:13:00.000-08:00

I awoke
Only to find my lungs empty
And through the night
So it seems I'm not breathing
And now my dreams are nothing like they were meant to be
And I'm breaking down, I think I'm breaking down

And I'm afraid
To sleep because of what haunts me
Such as living with the uncertainty
That I'll never find the words to say
Which would completely explain
Just how I'm breaking down

[Chorus]
Someone come and, someone come and save my life
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead
But now it's like the night is taking sides
With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind
Could it be this misery will suffice?

[Gordon Downie]
I've become
A simple souvenir of someone's kill
And like the sea
I'm constantly changing from calm to ill
Madness fills my heart and soul as if the great divide could swallow me whole
oh, how I'm breaking down

[Chorus]
oooohhh my life

Someone come and, someone come and save my life (save my life)
Someone come and, someone come and save my life (save my life)
Someone come and, someone come and save my life
Could it be this misery will suffice?

2 corinthians 6 (lord i surrender)

2009-12-01T07:44:00.000-08:00

Lord, I cry out to You

I am torn

The holy spirit in me has talked to me

It has spoken to me

Lord

And I can’t help but listen

Lord

You test and refine your servant like silver and gold

With love that knows no boundaries

Lord

You break my heart and You make me whole

You break it

So that it grows

Into a finer one

Let me be to You

A sacrifice

I sacrifice my heart to You

I will abandon all

For You

That is my prayer

Lord

Will You hold me

And continue to test me

And place me through fire and rain

Lord I have not listened

But you have spoken again

so ever clearly

How can I ignore your commands

Which are firm like a rock

Clear as crystal

And holy as Your blessed name

Lord

Who parted the seas

Who rides on the clouds

And has belial under his feet

lord who has my life planned out in

His hands

Lord

Who is my master

And my only hope

My one true king

Who has taken over my heart

Help me obey You

This is your servant’s plea

That You

Strengthen me

And cause me to obey You

Unconditionally

In trust of Your heart I pray

Amen

gifts and curses

2009-11-29T22:14:00.001-08:00

I hear the wind call your name
It calls me back home again
It sparks up the fire - a flame that still burns
Oh it's to you I'll always return
I still feel your breath on my skin
I hear your voice deep within
The sound of my lover - a feeling so strong
It's to you - I'll always belong

Now I know it's true
My every road leads to you
And in the hour of darkness darlin'
Your light gets me through

Wanna swim in your river - be warmed by your sun
Bathe in your waters - cos you are the one
I can't stand the distance - I can't dream alone
I can't wait to see you - Ya I'm on my way home

Oh I hear the wind call your name
The sound that leads me home again
It sparks up the fire - a flame that still burns
Oh, it's to you - I will always return

love's a decision and a commitment. feeling? zilch at all. okay, maybe a bit.

2009-11-28T04:07:00.000-08:00

you dont wake up every single day feeling like the world's a better place just because you have that special someone who cares for and loves you.
you dont form this untouchable bond that deems you a single hearted, one-minded person who doesnt get attracted to other people.
you dont feel like its magic all the time, and sometimes, you hardly know whats going on at all. you can never say never or ever yes.
you dont know if he/she is 'the one'. no one ever does. but time is the only answer to that question

yet

love is what keeps many of us going
a decision made that can only be carried out with feelings interjected in between, regularly, and continually done with commitment.

love lifts us up where we belong
and all we need is love

Hey There NYC

2009-11-26T07:49:00.000-08:00

Hey

There

Pretty

Skyline

Hey there new york city

With your Christmas lights so pretty

Will you miss me new york city

When im gone

I want to stay but ive got home

Ive got to go

Hey there new york city

Over here I’ve left a part of me

Take care of my heart for me

The little part I left behind

You’ll be on my mind

Cause I’ve got a hug waiting for me

A kiss and a welcome back written on my sleeve

I’ve got my family waiting for me

Including the ones I picked up along the way

Hey there new york city

Hows it like, hows it been

Im back home and I’ve been wishing

To see you again

To breathe your winds

To smell your air

Hey new york city

I’ve been busy, really busy

Looks like we’ve got to wait awhile

To meet again

To shake our hands

Conspire at night

When the time’s right…

Cause I need the hugs waiting for me

The kisses and hellos written on my warmer sleeve

My family who needs me

Including the ones I picked up along the way

So I cant stay

Bye NYC!

PMUNC freaks me out. PMUNC tires me out. PMUNC hear me out.

2009-11-20T21:55:00.000-08:00

three words:

I FEEL LIKE I HAVE AN IQ OF FORTY ONE POINT SIX.

See, I'm too stupid to even count properly.

looking at NYC thru my hotel room window

2009-11-18T04:30:00.000-08:00

i guess, when you're further away

you tend to see details slightly clearer

you leave the things and people you've

been basking in for awhile

and you gaze upon the skyline

with an eagle's view

and you stay silent, thinking
looking at the yellow taxi that's driving a bit too fast
the tree that's slightly too barren
the sky that isnt as pretty and awe inspiring as you thought it was
the building that actually looks... tired

and you think about your friends back home

you feel slightly too far away

you talk to one special one

and God speaks thru him to you

Lord,

I am sorry for relying too much on other people and their love, and forgetting that You are love. Lord, i realize i cannot live alone, and these friends and family are truly a blessing from You, but i have forgotten that Lord, you above all else, are my truest lover, and my deepest friend, whose love for me is wider and deeper and stronger than any other love.

Help me to each day, before seeking my friends and loved ones, seek You, wanting to spend time with You, in pure adoration of Your goodness and kindness and gracia to me. Help me Lord, also, to fuel myself with Your divine love, and not the love of people.

Help me then to love others with Your love. I praise You for You work in the most wondrous ways. Will You take away negative feelings and replace them with wisdom in action.

In Your Blessed Name i pray

Amen

'I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

'As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

'You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other.'

John 15

times square encircles me (a poem for YOU)

2009-11-17T15:38:00.000-08:00

YOU are the person that misses me, that loves me, that is a friend. YOU know who you are. and YOU, in this case, is PLURAL. haha

the picture does injustice to the real thing

its amazing
the city life
the heart of
a beating crowd

but i cant help
but to remember
how the sound of
yours is much more
loud

its devastating looking
at this magic place
and knowing i'll be gone soon

but even more heart wrenching
to think i'd never ever see you

in america
its pretty and cold

and i miss you

P.S
God sent me here for a reason
and He has blessed me greatly thus far
why should i be afraid?

For my Lord, my God, goes before me, and comforts me. <3

God of my forever, You are worthy of my praise

2009-11-15T02:45:00.000-08:00

God Of My Youth I Remember
Your Call On My Life Took Me O'er
Your Love Has Seen Me Through All My Days
I Stand Here By Your Grace

On This Altar I've Written My Life
Tells Of The Story I Have With You My Lord
I Want The World To Know

Chorus:
God Of My Forever
And Forever I'm With You
My Life Is Saved With A Price
Your Sacrifice Redeemed My Soul
God Of My Forever
And Forever I Will Sing
My Greatest Honor Will Always Be
To Serve My Lord And King

Verse 2:
God Of My All I've Surrendered
My Heart Finds Its Rest In Your Word
Praises Will Not Be Enough To Show
How My Love For You Has Grown

Nothing Matters When You're Here With Me
In The End Just To Hear You Say Well Done
Bowing Before Your Throne

Bridge:
Forever And Ever
Jesus You Alone In Glory Reign
Forever And Ever
With You I Walk This Narrow Way

being lazy can cause you to feel really tired. believe me.

2009-11-11T18:09:00.000-08:00

because i am.

use me as a case study, im free from 8am in the mornings till 12am at night. Why? Oh, simply because my mother switches off the internet connexion at precisely that time everyday. Oh, no, I'm sorry! No using me as a case study, because my phone has been confiscated.

Yes, while the rest of you are happily talking about nothing on msn or commenting on some unknown person's picture on FB, or twittering about something, or blogging like i am now, i am either

a) quarreling with my mother and pleading for more time on the internet so i can do legitimate, serious, not very interesting...

WORK.

b) washing up in the toilet. because i am a smelly, unhygienic girl, and i procrastinate. Yes, even on shower time.

c) SLEEPING! although my mom doesn't seem to realize, i want to sleep! I'd sleep at ten if i could! (okay, maybe not.) But i want to complete my assignments!

which leads us back to point A.

She doesnt allow me to.

okay, i should change the title of this post.

being lazy can cause you to feel really cranky about yourself.

P.S This is me, not listening up in class.

novel magic (pun intended)

2009-11-11T06:41:00.000-08:00

PART ONE

This first part is dedicated to a very special friend, who has been through lots of stuff with me and for me. Someone with lots of wit, and who is extremely morbid. Someone who should wear more colors on his/her shoulders. Someone who is dearly loved by God and shops that sell black apparel.

P.S I told you our lives and experiences were made for TV!

- - - -

Chapter 26 - Madness Comes from Petroleum.

Jeremy and Ashley were walking along Eunos Link expressway. It was nice - having bags as the only weights on them for the moment.

"I think God sent you into my life to-" She stepped hastily up onto a ledge.

"-Help me grow up." She smiled at her friend in black. She laughed like the child she was, at her own lame joke. The two of them laughed at each other as they waited for the road to open up for them.

"You think this is visual comm is it?" He said. She shook her head whilst giggling, one eye closed all the time.

"Well, Jeremy," She grinned. "I think sometimes, God sends signs into our lives to tell us when to stop... And when to-" The traffic light turned a fluorescent green.

"Go." She pranced around like a ladybug on fire, at the same time crossing the road. He smacked his forehead in mock exasperation. Jeremy scratched a pimple on his face. There was a Garang Guni man on a bicycle up ahead. A huge stack of used belongings was stacked precariously on his cackling vehicle.

"Wait, wait, what about this-" Ashley waved her arms in the air as she beheld an invisible screen in the sky. The man was cycling closer. There wasn't enough space on the path for all three of them. Jeremy raised an eyebrow.

"Sometimes," She smiled, as she stepped lightly onto the grass-patch on the side of the pathway.

"We have to give way-" The man cycled past them - him on the path, the two friends on the grass.

"To help others." She bent over with laughter. Jeremy stared at her in shock for a few seconds, then decided to give in. He sniggered, whites showing. It was getting slightly dark, and very soon the HDB lights would go off. This was the favorite part of Ashley's day - where people were on their ways home and the moon took over.

They walked towards the zebra crossing. There was a woman in red standing impatiently as cars zoomed past her and on the painfully ignored zebra crossing. Ashley thought of another way to make it a metaphor.

"Sometimes... Cars just don't give way for impatient people!" She breathed out the words through her dry lips.

"That didn't even make sense!" Jeremy gave her an expressionless face.

"Haha. I know!" They crossed over to the other side of the street, sources of light and sound in the peaceful atmosphere. They looked so... squarish, so cookie-cutter regular. Two bicycles honked crudely from afar.

"Left." Ashley muttered. The two moved quickly to the left of the path as the cyclist took over them from their right sides. They walked in silence for a moment. Suddenly, Jeremy veered sharply off the cement path. He trod carefully on wild wet grass as he made his way onto the emerald colored patch of uncultivated land. Ashley looked forward at the looming path, and shot him a weird side glance.

"What are you doing?" She pointed toward the path they were supposed to take.

"Follow!" Jeremy smiled, conspiring with him and himself as he beckoned her toward him.

She rolled her eyes, then stepped onto the unshaped earth warily, afraid of getting her slippers on well-hidden dog poo. Those things were like rushed and unfinished CA1 assignments - When you glanced at it from afar, it seemed okay, but when you got yourself in it, you knew you were in deep trouble.

He stopped after half a dozen steps. He smiled in a cartoon-like manner to his friend. Pointing to a pile of weeds that somehow managed to look like flowers, he cleared his throat.

"WHAT?" She demanded.

"Sometimes, we have to take time to stop and look at the flowers."

"WHAT!" Ashley said again, this time as an exclamation, as the ! mark would have told you. She laughed wildly. Ashley hit him hard on the back, her fingers aching after she did so.

"HAHAHA!" Was all he could manage for the moment, so she joined in. After all, it was Metaphor Madness Day.

"You know what, anti-sexism states that we should treat women the same way men are treated." Jeremy smiled at Ashley.

PIAK. He hit her equally hard on her back.

"Ow!" She laughed. Thoughts encircled her skull, and she thought of something.

"You know, we all believe in the law of doing unto others, as they have done unto us!" She smacked him even harder than she did previously, but this time, her clumsy fingers flung the glasses off his face, as she slapped his face by accident.

"You slapped me!" They laughed atrociously, like mad chickens that just laid green eggs.

"Sorry dude!" She clutched her laptop bag as the syllables flew out of her mouth: Ha, Ho, Hee. It varied between the three.

They walked in silence for half a beat.

"We're supposed to be a civilized society, Jeremy Teo!" He nodded, stopped his hand in mid-air, promptly ending their backslapping competition. They walked along the familiar pathway. People were waiting patiently (maybe not) at the bus stop. They looked almost like mannequins, with their closed eyes, stoned eyes, and drab faces.

"Jeremy, i swear we come right out of a storybook! You know what, if we walk far enough, I bet we'd reach the edge of this page and crawl right out of the novel we're in!" He laughed, the veins on his neck popping slightly.

"Ah! The lights!" He drawled as he cringed at the imaginary TV lights that shined straight in his face, crouching slightly with his hands above his head like an Osama cornered by multiple helicopters. She clapped her hands in delight.

"You think this is the Truman show is it!" He pushed her on the head. They slowed down a little.

"Haha-" Ashley knocked her hand lightly on a pillar, as if it were a door instead.

"This, my friend, is actually cardboard."

She pointed to something else. "That, my dear ignorant friend, is construction paper. Those are held by nothing but glue!" They laughed simultaneously. The day sky was retiring, and its counterpart was more than glad to take over. A few HDB lights had come on. They looked very much like stars.

"K luh, here's me." Ashley's voice drifted into the setting atmosphere. The day was gone, and night had come to take over, with sleep in its stardust and dinner under its gaze.

She stopped at the junction between the converging paths. Tilting her head slightly, she waved goodbye to her friend. Jeremy smiled, and turned to walk away.

"Bye!" He called out, his back already turned. Ashley walked off to her own home, feeling very much like a character from a storybook. The clouds drew away.

Chapter 27 - It doesn't work that way. But we shall keep walking.

PART TWO

This is dedicated to a very loved individual, who I’m getting to know and adore so much more everyday. This for you, someone very special in his/her own right, and his own ways. Someone who’s been through heartache before, and someone who is so much more than he/she seems. Someone who should sleep earlier and wake up on time. Someone who should never leave Skype. And never skip class again.

P.S: My cherry :)

- - - -

Chapter One - If roses are red, and violets are blue, then I know ...:)

Annah looked at her laptop, her fingers itchy though her head was tired. She clicked on her blogpage. And started to type…

Annah had gone up to get her module notes and her guitar.

The sight that greeted her eyes when she opened the door made her cringe in horror. The TV on, and a slackened figure covering the sofa’s hide, she walked past it without a single word. Changing into her FBT shorts, she smiled to herself as she thought of what was waiting for her.

She closed the door without any gentleness. It clanged to a great shut as she pressed the lift button.

It opened onto the dark and cool lobby. Annah slid out of it, carrying the guitar with her. Contrary to popular belief, hidden deep within the Ibanez casing was a cheap, ordinary yamaha classical guitar that cost nothing. Heck, it wasn’t even hers. But that didn’t matter for now. She walked toward him. He had been waiting. She took her place opposite him, her ears listening to the treasure trove they were sitting in. It was as if they had sat there many times before, without losing the excitement of it all.

Rain was dripping slowly and languidly onto the pavement. The air swayed, and sashayed towards higher skies. A slight breeze blew into the Senior Citizen’s Corner, enveloping the two silhouetted figures at the table.

“It’s cold.” Annah shivered slightly, eyes smiling at him. His eyebrows knitted high together in worried wonder.

“If only I brought the awesome jacket.” He reached forward to place a skinny hand on her head.

“Uh-uh. The awesome jacket.” She crinkled her nose, pulling herself in tighter. They opened their notes – Her first, then he.

They stopped studying. It was so peaceful. They had talked, and they had laughed. Time was endless, a flowing entity that seemed very far away. She had done her quiet time whilst he made use of the cheap guitar; his voice and guitar music soothing in its own untrained way, and comforting in the cold.

“If you were an MRT seat, what would you do?” He asked her.

“I’d put cushions on myself so people would have a comfy ride and be less grumpy in the mornings.” Annah replied.

“Wow. You’d do that for people that fart on you.” He laughed with her.

“What about you?” Annah placed her chin on the round stone table. Her eyes glanced at all her notes, none of which were spread out in logical order.

“I’d have sharp, poky things on me so no one would sit on me,” He answered. Annah smacked the table and laughed.

“You are so evil.”

“If you were cough medicine what would you do?” He asked her again.

“I’d kill all the other cough medicine in mass suicide through burning!”

Anna opened a packet drink. She was more thirsty than she’d realized. A ringing lullaby wafted into her ears. Her mom was back. She opened the door, greeted by the delightful smell of dinner. She sat down to eat, hungry and slightly more tired than before. She starte d typing again.

He was about to go.

“Hey wait. I’ve got something I owe you.”

“Yeah?” Oh, the look in his contact-lensed eyes was just too cute to be true.

“Hug?”

He smiled, and she hugged him. She sitting down, and he on his feet. It lasted for all of 0.5832083 seconds. It was kind of awkward, but she felt happy.

"I get lost in this world

I get lost in your eyes

And when the lights go down

That's where I'll be found"

- lost by anouk

sung on a beautiful day

2009-11-09T05:21:00.001-08:00

Us in a song

You make me smile

Like im high on something

Even when you say

Nothing

I cant deny how much i

Adore you

I wrote you this song

Hoping that if you’d hear it

Then maybe you’d like it

And sing along

And give me a cushiony red

Heart too J

We’ll fly off together

To Paris and Rome

And wherever you want

As long as we feel

At home

We go online

When it’s close to midnight

And when we talk it’s just so right

Cause I love

Whatever you say and do

We’ll laugh at mistakes

Scold each other and frown

Maybe feel too damn down

But know that you’ve

Got me

You’ve got me

That’s us in a song

And love its so easy to see

That when we move on

I’ll be with you

And you’d be with me

on being busy

2009-11-09T04:24:00.000-08:00

busy, busy, busy bee.

busy bee, can't you see?

busy is as busy does.

put down your honey

for awhile

busy, busy, busy, bee

hungry bee flies by me

i blossom and let out my charms

stay with me

i'll make you smile

busy, busy, my busy bee

how can you just go by me?

i've withered and grown

no more your young

flower you could

play on

goodbye to addiction

2009-11-07T05:41:00.000-08:00

I AM OFF FACEBOOK!!!!!

i will miss it so much.

but i'd rather miss it than fail badly for all my modules.

i'll miss commenting on peoples' pictures and doing social interviews. (lol)

but whatever.

thank God for the courage on deleting it!

it wasnt that difficult.

anyone wanting to delete their accounts tell me.

anyone contemplating the idea but is too scared to do it, tell me

and here is where i insert

(devillish grin)

MWAHAH!

goodbye FB!

i think i'm on a blog-craze now. okay, i think i'm just really bored AND inspired.

2009-11-04T02:14:00.000-08:00

the things i hear and the things i remember. one other common factor?

i love their authors.

"dont make threats unless you can carry them out. it makes you look weak." - j****

whatever dude. haha you're my tbp.

"-oh what a cute puppy! and then they take it out of the cage, right, and then suddenly, RAWR! it rips his head off. HAHAHA!" - s*****

hahahahahahaha pig! who's your boss!!

"oh what a pirate you are!...ae sing leh!" - n***

hahahahahahahhaa OHAAAANAAAA

"hey potato... if only i was as busy as you." - j****

hahahahahaha idiot! big hug* youre an awesome friend

"you know that people are just attracted to you. and they listen to you." - j*******

i thank God for you :)

"remember to take your jacket, and an umbrella maybe! =x" - d***

hi <3

"mou mou ren la! don't care about us already lor!" a**** & e*****

you two are the sweetest ever girl pals

"yakooooooooooooooooot! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!" - d***** m*****

i miss you :(

"hey my dear sis, how have you been? :p" - c***** j**

thank God for you dear sis :)

"tze ah! can you clean your mess up! so messy the dining table, how many times have i told you not to put your books here!" - M*M

you're the world's best mom!

that's all i can rmb for now! so dear friend, dont fret if you read this and you dont see your voice!

tell me if i forgot about you.

cause im doing this really quickly.

and its not because youre easily forgettable that i forgot about you. i just have a very bad brain.

i love you all, angels on earth with no wings and an invisible halo.

and here's another one, cause city & color is inspiring me

2009-11-04T02:07:00.000-08:00

things i want to do with/for/to you:

1. dance with you at a dinner that's coming up. and see you in a suit.

2. give you a hug simply to say "i love you."

3. talk about God with you.

4. bring you to church :p

5. write you more songs. and sing them to you.

6. see you again. :)

7. go look at horses in another country together.

8. go to spotlight with a lot of money in our hands :)

9. tell you everyday, how i feel about you.

10. pray with you.

11. talk about our insecurities together and fake-cry with each other :)

12. walk to pungool or sentosa or anywhere we want.

13. go shopping with you. HAHAHAHAHA

14. go to the zoo. pretty please.

15. grow old <3

Hi you :)

do you want to go? it's getting late.

2009-11-04T01:52:00.000-08:00

the man looks around. what are these things around him?

he looks down at the ground. white, shining pristinely.

his feet are tired. His feet have trod upon places too far.

and yet he hears a voice calling,

"do you want to go? it's getting late."

the man tries to see where he is. A faint line in the background.

it slides along to his own heartbeat. Almost inaudible

His ears hear nothing but the loud, overworked thud of his organs

and yet he hears a voice calling,

"do you want to go? it's getting late."

the man feels alive. But only because he grabs at any part of it he has left.

he knows he is drifting. like fish in the water's current

he goes where he cant choose. but he is waiting.

and yet he hears a voice calling,

"do you want to go? it's getting late."

the man can feel them outside. near his outer casing they stand.

they stare at him forlornly, talking in louder tones, thinking he can hear.

he can. but he's too tired to understand.

and yet he hears a voice calling,

"do you want to go? it's getting late."

"I've been waiting.

So have you."

"yes I have," the man says.

"So, time to unplug, don't you think?"

"yes, i think so," the man agrees.

and the doctors write something down

on their little, noisy notepads.

the children wish they had more.

but they dont.

the vultures wished they were allowed to feast.

but they have primer areas to go to.

and for a moment, everything is blur.

but then he undresses. and he releases.

white hair trembling with the wind

as he ascends

"do you want to go? It's getting late."

the baby cries and gurgles

and mouths okay, with a little turning of its fingers

as it nestles in its mother's womb.

its excited heart pumps

as it hears the first sounds of its life

"do you want to go? cause it's getting late, granddad."

God is good all the time

2009-10-20T07:19:00.001-07:00

Praise be to God

Who rules heaven and earth

Yet loves us with all His incomparable might

Praise be to God

Who had sovereign rule over everything

And who always gives us the best even when we grumble against Him

Praise be to God

Who in His love moulds us

To be more like Him, and saves us

Through his very own blood

Praise be to God

Who is everlasting and unchanging

And who never breaks His promise

To be with us till the very end of the age

Amen

people

2009-10-19T23:16:00.000-07:00

JAsweetRED

SYAspazFIQ

JAretardedSON

DOkluhawesomeNN

NIohanaCK

ANbeautifulGIE

ESTthoughtfulHER

ALhyperEX

FRIiloveyouENDS

just a few poeple that came to my mind during lesson at 3:46 pm, after some time doing camera movements for our practical lesson <3

2009-10-19T07:45:00.000-07:00

DOawesomeNN

Better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all

2009-10-19T07:23:00.000-07:00

The feeling in your cheeks

The rosy tint of impromptu blush

The tingle in your hand

That when that someone takes

Gives you such a rush

The floating feeling in your feet

The little heaven in the air

The rush of heartbeat

when he takes a strand of

your shiny brushed hair

The sharp intake of breath

When she says something too cute

Or does something too adorable

That you're left smiling

Mute

The sound of that someone's

laughter, like wind-chimes

in the breeze. Such a beautiful,

calm calamity. You can't help but

give in

The sound of that someone's

tears. Dripping wet onto your

hands. You wish you could suddenly

become a hot sizzling frying pan.

The kooky things that he does

Somehow do not seem enough

To make you scoff and trott away

But pulls you in like fireflies

to a campfire of love

The look on her face. When you've

cheered her up. The mild dissipation

of his pain after the rain clouds have

cleared up.

Nick T.J Hao! This poem is dedicated to YOU!

MY DEAR AWESOME DUDE PRAWN FRIEND!

CHEER UP!

and donn also luh. HAHAHAHAH!

and to all those i love

TRY

2009-10-18T06:37:00.000-07:00

these are two wonderful songs

both with the word "try" in their titles

and both songs i listen to all the time!

here's the lyrics to

try by Asher Book

If i walk, would you run?
If i stop, would you come?
If i say you're the one, would you believe me?
If i ask you to stay, would you show me the way?
Tell me what to say so you don't leave me.
The world is catching up to you
While you're running away to chase your dream
It's time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change
And maybe i'm not ready

Chorus
But I'll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

If i sing you a song, would you sing along?
Or wait till i'm gone, oh how we push and pull
If i give you my heart would you just play the part
Or tell me it's the start of something beautiful.
Am i catching up to you?
While your running away to chase your dreams
It's time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change
And maybe i'm not ready

Chorus
But I'll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

I will try for your love
I can hide up above

2x huh huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh huh huhhh

If i walk would you run
If i stop would you come
If i say you're the one would you believe me

p.s Donn! Say it's awesome! And Nick, get the lyrics right!!! hahahaha! :)

p.p.s It's my new fave song!

p.p.p.s i know its in your head now :)

AND "I'll try" From the Disney animation, Peter Pan, my 2nd fave disney movie. Ist fave goes to POCAHONTAS!!

I am not a child now I can take care of myself I mustn't let them down now Mustn't let them see me cry I'm fine, I'm fine  I'm too tired to listen I'm too old to believe All these childish stories There is no such thing as faith And trust and pixie dust  I try But it's so hard to believe I try But I can't see what you see I try, I try, I try...  My whole world is changing I don't know where to turn I can't leave you waiting But I can't stay and watch this city burn Watch it burn  'Cause I try But it's so hard to believe I try  But I can't see what you see I try, I try  I try and try to understand The distance in between The love I feel and the things I fear And every single dream  I can finally see it Now I have to believe All those precious stories All the world is made of... Faith, and trust... and pixie dust  So, I'll try Because I finally believe I'll try, cuz I can see what you see  I'll try, I'll try I will try I'll try... To fly

out of sight, out of mind

2009-10-12T08:59:00.001-07:00

please think about this.

You drink a cup of star bucks coffee.

A child living at another end of the world gulps down rain water.

You buy a new pair of top grade crocs.

Someone else you absolutely have no concern for drags his bare, bony feet along parched sand.

You buy new clothes, every year, at new year.

a skinny man wears half of his shirt. It used to be without holes. But now you wouldn't tell it was a shirt if he wasn't clothed in it.

You are late for class, and you hop in a cab.

They don't even know what a cab is, for goodness sake.

You look at your plate of food. So full, you tell yourself. And you walk away from the table.

Someone out there desperately wishes that someone over here would eat less and give more.

We buy new gadgets and complain about older ones.

They can't even call for an ambulance even if they're about to d-i-e.

And the problem is, although we could and sometimes combine our efforts and save lives, the plain fact is-

WE ABSOLUTELY DON'T CARE.

We buy tissue paper from poor handicapped aunties and poor old, elderly folks. But when the problem is out of sight, something snaps, and it is thrown out of our minds. Even if it's something really, really BIG.

Out of sight, out of mind?

I wouldn't like to think so.

But i do.

Thats why families drift away when they stay away from each other for too long a time.

Four years is too much for a daughter's mind, i guess?

BUT!

ending on a happy note!

Do watch this show called

We're back! - A dinosaur's story

If you have time

Steven Spielberg had a hand in it, so expect great things.

Do tell me how you thought the show was. (its available on youtube :D)

ciao ppl! <3

in this case

Def. People

Noun; Individuals who read this and who are probably dying from boredom but dying cause school is starting soon.

Adj; Awesome and toowonderful :D

I promise im gna blog so much more often!

thanks to a new friend named Marcus!

a thousand posies by the walkway

2009-10-11T09:17:00.000-07:00

for the one who sees the roses by the car-ridden road

for the one who sees the silver lined cloud when the storm has rolled

for the one who sees the sunburnt tracks by the pretty walkway

for the one who sees the muddy ground when their lover's walked away

for the one who feels and thinks and flips about

for the one who squirms and laughs

and sometimes fakes a smile

for the one who looks at the mirror and thinks aloud

for the one who says hello

and sometimes curses out loud

for the one i'm talking to

for the one i'm trying to convince

for the one i'm trying to encourage

and not let things hit but miss

do not fear

2009-10-11T09:07:00.000-07:00

Deuteronomy 20:1-4
When you go to war against your enemies and see horses and chariots and an army greater than yours, do not be afraid of them, because the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt, will be with you. 2 When you are about to go into battle, the priest shall come forward and address the army. 3 He shall say: "Hear, O Israel, today you are going into battle against your enemies. Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not be terrified or give way to panic before them. 4 For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory."

Lord, this is for You.

2009-10-11T08:35:00.000-07:00

My God and My Father,

i praise you for being my almighty God and for being faithful to me. I praise you for how You are wonderful and you are always there. I praise you for being Jehovah Jireh, my provider. I praise You for being my protector.

I praise You for being my indescribable God.

I am sorry for not seeking You above all else. For turning to other things and turning away from You. I want to seek You with all my heart, soul, strength and mind. But I get so carried away. I feel so tired now. Lord i haven't been relying on You for strength and all that i need. I havent sought after Your heart and i have run after things that do not matter as much as You do.

Lord my walk with You has been so slow. Many times i've strayed from your path you've set aside for me. I want to be right with You again. Now i feel so helpless, as if i am caught in this cycle. But Lord, You are my God who allows me to triumph above all difficulties! Help me to trust in You and love You with every fiber of my being, that the things i say and the thoughts that are in my mind will be pleasing unto You. I'm so sorry i did not wake up for church and i missed our appointment with each other. Lord, i've been missing out on so much. I want to be fully there with You!!

Lord i ask for your forgiveness in these areas, and this is my plea: that You will, out of Your grace and mercy, draw me back to You.

Lord, i thank you for ICE camp. For how you blessed me with such a responsive and special group; such a bonded group that listened and worked with each other. I thank You for how You allowed me to bond with the GPs and GLs. For the friends i made, and for the experience You've blessed me with. It was truly amazing leading a group of strangers and seeing them bond and cheer. I thank You for blessing me with the confidence and for protecting my health and fitness, that You carried me thru the three days of pure high-ness.

Lord i thank You also for protecting me. From the spirit i encountered and even those which i did not. I thank You for You have control over life and death and You are my protector. Who shall i fear? What shall i fear? For you are forever with me.

I praise You and thank You for my loving mother and father who do their best to raise me and meimei. I thank You for how they have sheltered and provided for us. I thank You for how they have taught us. I pray for mama that you change me and meimei evermore that she may see You are good and You are Lord. Change her heart, O God.

Lord i thank You for my mentors in church who keep me in check. Help them continue to keep a watchful eye on me, that i will not stray away form You. I thank You for Jar also, that he ahs been such an encouragement to me and such a blessing as a friend. I thank You for ACTS and i thank You for those who walk with me.

Lord i want to surrender my life anew to You. I want to commit school, lessons, DTVM, guitar club, jazz band, SPSU, and all my other commitments unto You. Even church ministry O Lord. I commit my friends, my activities into Your hands. Will i obey You and wait for Your blessings.

Lord i am afraid right now.

Will you grant me wisdom and a heart to learn during the PMNUC conference and the days that lead up to it. I thank You for giving me this opportunity and I want to make the best of it. Therefore Lord, take away my fear, and instead grant me a heart of courage and inquisitiveness. Help me to bring honor to You.

Lord about my commitments, help me make wise choices and painful ones. But above all, help me make choices that please You.

Lord i want to seek You daily in QT and quietness and humility. Help me to each morning, wake up enthusiastically to read Your word and to praise You for giving me life everlasting. Lord teach me, mould me, walk beside me, and fill me.

I want to walk beneath the shadow of Your wings.

Amen.

2009-07-03T01:22:00.000-07:00

haha hurt so many people today!

wonderful, tay yan tze.

why dont you want the things you have?

and go for the things that shouldnt matter?

STOP AND TURN AROUND LUH.

haha.

2009-07-03T00:11:00.000-07:00

I DONT WANT TO TALK ANYMORE. IM TOO TIRED TO BOTHER. im sorry. He wouldnt want me to do this. I know. Yet i will do what i want now.

IM TOO shucks TIRED.

ying shui si yuan (remembering your roots)

2009-05-22T09:55:00.000-07:00

I am detached

the clothes

the cups

plates

spoons

forks

lie in

piles

i do not

laugh

smile

answer

too slowly

i have changed

i am not

the

loving

understanding

daughter

you miss so

much

i have forgotten

where

came

from

who

raised

and

fed

many things distract

in a way you can't

i am

not

yours

anymore

why

you sat here

and talked

and

hoped

but my heart has turned cold

why

God

dont let me

continue

this

i need

to be

how i

was

in the

past

I need to

get my

priorities

on the

straight

and narrow

only

You can

help

Sire Sire Pants on Fire

2009-05-17T08:46:00.000-07:00

don't say another word

don't tempt me to sin

don't cause me to seethe

and let useless tears spill

from these wretched eyes of mine

don't say another word

i can hear you loud and clear

you shout your wisdom

but all i hear is

a monstrous voice

that is speaking in

a muffled drone

you have just placed

the phone down

with an angry click

that still

rings in my head

Will there be that

click again?

i am an imbecile

a letdown

and an ignorant

ungrateful fool

a naive

stupid

useless

daughter

you have asked me to come

i have placed my hand to your craggy face

you have called and beckoned

i have screamed

and ignored

i look out at my window

and i see the night sky

littered with stars

and the moon

which will be dragged down

tonight

which will be held under water

by a scorching arch enemy

i look you at my window

and i see the dawn breaking

a red sea of clouds

littered with agony

and a phoenix

which is shot in the wings

by an arrow

it falls to the craggy recesses of earth

and remains there

till it is no more

till it is part of

nothingness

till the clouds condense

and wash its remains away

till the cicada tree is felled

and sees

its last days

till the night turns early

with dread

and deceit

till my fingers tire

and i give in

to fitful sleep

Do not say any more

Out of sight, out of mind

2009-05-16T09:13:00.000-07:00

please think about this.

You drink a cup of star bucks coffee.

A child living at another end of the world gulps down rain water.

You buy a new pair of top grade crocs.

Someone else you absolutely have no concern for drags his bare, bony feet along parched sand.

You buy new clothes, every year, at new year.

a skinny man wears half of his shirt. It used to be without holes. But now you wouldn't tell it was a shirt if he wasn't clothed in it.

You are late for class, and you hop in a cab.

They don't even know what a cab is, for goodness sake.

You look at your plate of food. So full, you tell yourself. And you walk away from the table.

Someone out there desperately wishes that someone over here would eat less and give more.

We buy new gadgets and complain about older ones.

They can't even call for an ambulance even if they're about to d-i-e.

And the problem is, although we could and sometimes combine our efforts and save lives, the plain fact is-

WE ABSOLUTELY DON'T CARE.

Out of sight, out of mind?

I wouldn't like to think so.

But i do.

Thats why families drift away when they stay away from each other for too long a time.

Four years is too much for a daughter's mind, i guess?

BUT!

ending on a happy note!

Do watch this show called

We're back! - A dinosaur's story

If you have time

Steven Spielberg had a hand in it, so expect great things.

Do tell me how you thought the show was. (its available on youtube :D)

ciao ppl! <3

in this case

Def. People

Noun; Individuals who read this and who are probably dying from boredom but dying cause school is starting soon.

Adj; Awesome and toowonderful :D

I promise im gna blog so much more often!

thanks to a new friend named Marcus!

Drained (a poem)

2007-11-27T01:26:00.002-08:00

He is drained

Of life

Apparent in his weakened stance

and his aimless gaze

in his leathery skin

and his swollen legs

He is drained

Of hope

apparent in his defeated face

and his reckless ways

in his unfazed thoughts

to his remaining days

He is drained

Of love

apparent in his lonesome days

his wandering feet

his children are bereft

of the joy to meet

such an old man

who is left helpless

in his second phase of childhood

who cares not

what is good

or bad

For he is already

dead

his heart

is drumming along to

an irregular beat

he still has some control

over his arms and

his feet

but what is a man,

an old man,

in the face of this

in this face of death

and passing on

and the pull

of being again with those

he has missed

of those

he can meet very soon

and the joy

of leaving behind

his shrunken state

and his dying state

his slowing state

his drained state

Nemo

2007-11-27T01:26:00.001-08:00

Nemo.

A nobody.

A shadow

strayed

apart

from

the limelight.

But sometimes, its the littlest things in life that keep us going. A smile from the blue, or a pat on the shoulder from behind. These little gestures are what keeps humanity humane. For what human on earth can truly survive without human contact?

On what flimsy evidence can he proudly proclaim that he does not survive on love, kinship or brotherhood?

Knives through the spine. Little gossip that progresses into an astronomical sized hit, right upon your heart.

The colossus monster that tears through every single one of your veins, leaving you a shadow of the past that grasps too hard onto what you used to be.

Your mouth does not take your heed, and by the time its too late, you've turned the gargoyles to stone just thinking .

Are you human?

Or are you just about revenge, prancing in joy to the beat of atrocity, a projection invented to make miniscule impact on another shadow's life?

Are you a parasite caused to invoke grief, siphone joy? A boring robot who has repeated one too many words already, just like a nagging parent?

Or are you a something,

that can work in progression, in hope of being a better version of yourself.

Be there, or miss the chance of being relied upon. Just like crying wolf too many a time, when the authentic disaster strikes, no one will be there.

You'll be a lone stick figure, singular in the storm.

And when the lightning strikes and the thunder bellows in your ears, everyone else will be cowering away, leaving you behind.

Like a mechanism that attaches itself onto chosen victims, so has this curse been fixed on many.

Apalled at its silent yet fatal damage, should you strangle yourself or let the poison work while you waste away at the table side?

Too many questions, far countless doubts. The human mind can only take so much, but how much it can take cannot be compared with others. They are weak. But they may be strong as compared to another.

The purpose.

The heart.

And the will.

Take my heart Bend my achilles heel.

Nemo.

A nobody.

Just wait till this star burns so bright, it'll turn you blind. Melt you away, eat you inside.

John Coffey ma'am, like the drink, only not spelt the same

2007-11-27T01:23:00.000-08:00

"They killed each other with they love, that how it is, every single day."

TGM(the green mile) is really a show that has really got my brain churning. ALOT. John Coffey, Del, Brutal, Boss Hedegcomb. All great people in their own special ways. They've left a great imprint on me. I respected them, i felt so strongly for the characters. The movie experience was so deliriously touching.

Do people really deserve to be punished like in the show? Maybe not particularly in the same ways, but does the government have the right to take a life? That got me thinking real hard. Isnt capital punishment as bad as murder? No malicious intent is involved, but WHAT HUMAN BEING HAS A RIGHT TO ELIMINATE ANOTHER?

Human beings are all made imperfect, some with greater faults than others. But who else has the right to judge than one who has attained perfection? And according to the cliche verse, "No one is perfect." And it remains so from the day we are delivered into earth, all the way till we step into our own "old sparky". ( an affectionate term used for the electric chair in the movie)

Capital punishment. As displayed in the show, an innocent man ( a mircale of God's) was killed beacause he tried to save the lives of two young girls. Evidence was pointing against him. Race and color was a handicap. Size was a contradiction. Yet, against all characteristics, HE WAS INNOCENT.

Assumption.

Who will really know the true and extact circumstances of any happening unless he is a supreme being? We are but humans. Although some times evidence opints to an answer almost too clear, what happens, then, when evidence is a red herring, a misleading bunch of facts that create misconceptions? Evidence, also, to its utmost usefulness, can only tell you what an offender did, not why. Reasons, pragmatics, logic.

Sometimes, human emotion takes the better of all these. Emotinos are unsually what makes a person do what he wants. Although it may not always be right, shouldnt everyone be given a chance to be a better individual? Downplay the idea of capital punishment: Imagine you've done something very very wrong. You're repentant, you're filled with a sense of guilt and the desire for atonement, you're penitent. But no matter what you try to do,the people around you (or whoever else for that matter) dont forgive you. Whose fault is it, then?

My conclusion then, ends with a question. What is right and wrong without forgiveness and grace?

Another poem: Just for you John Coffey

Lonely as a sparrow

Ambling in the rain

Wanting to make the world alive

Loving others in vain

Blessed by almighty God Cursed by trecherous men

When then could he show

His utmost worth again

He tried to save them lives

However time intervened

In the end

Another life was taken

Twas his

A silent panther crouching

in apprehent

Tame despite account

He was as timorous of the dark

As many others were afraid of God

Cold tingling beads of pespiration

Line his musculine frame

And a sweet stupid nightmare

Could wake him up

insane

He said he was

sorry for what he'd done

He couldn't take it back

But what other daft men perceived

Was a vision assumed and mad

He could never ever forget the sweet,

lingering whispers Of the two mishapped blonde dolls

So frail, so brittle

could not forget their wails

I'm desperately besieged!

Oh how i mourn!

For the loss Of seraphs like you

You'll never know

Then How much pain Everyday, that i go through

For my lovely girls

I hear the cries

Of everyone Around

I bemoan all night

In silent thought Of the wreckage all humanity

Has wrought

Thou timid, fidget in his build

Behold a mask Of courage, love and miracle

That forevermore will last

He walked the mile

Sat in a pool of death

Fingers trembling Eyes are pouring With tears constant like rain

God have mercy on your soul God only who has control

I love you son You've done me proud

You can sleep for now

And when you wake up,

you'll find You're in heaven

So sleep and smile Close your eyes

Abandon this earth

Open your arms

I know your worth

I'll blow a kiss Of merciful love

So lay your mind aside

My sweet kind dove

Because i love you so

You're taken And you're mine

END

Minnie and Wen Guo (a puppy love story)

2007-11-27T00:55:00.000-08:00

It was the first time Minnie had seen so many children.

Clinging to the hem of her mother's skirt, her tiny feet padded on the floor. Her footsteps gradually became inaudible as the drone of parents' voices and children’s' loud wails grew louder. Teachers were making attempts at reassuring children and parents, obviously in a hurry to conduct lessons.

"Don't worry, if you are a good girl, mommy will pick you up earlier okay?"

"See, you want a lollipop? If you are a good boy teacher will give you one okay? Which color do you like?"

Minnie didn't cry, but that did not mean that she wasn't afraid. In fact she was more than afraid; she was petrified and scared stiff. The color was drained from her porcelain skin, and her rosy lips were parched. She needed water. She needed a lollipop. She needed her mommy.

Minnie tumbled along the school corridors- her child like stance making it quite impossible to keep up with her anxious mother.

"Come on, min, the earlier the better. So you can meet your new classmates sooner okay? Don't be scared, come on, and walk faster. If you continue like this you can only reach your classroom at Christmas."

"Yes mama." At these words, the six year old girl put up a fake show of bravado, pretending she was a stout soldier marching to war. Acquiescing halfheartedly to her mother's request to walk faster, her heart started to pound wilder than ever. Class 1E was only ten paces away.

A smiling lady was waiting expectantly at the classroom door. Despite her continuous smile, Minnie could detect the strain behind it. She became stiff. The lady reminded her of grandma Tabitha. Gran Tab the scare- her cousins called her. This lady was exuding the same overbearing aura as grandma, only she was younger by two decades.

"Hello, you must be Mrs. Lim! I'm Madam Teo. And this must be..." Her long, willowy forefinger trailed down the list she was holding. Minerva Lim Yi Min. Hello Minerva, welcome to 1E. The rest of the students are already inside. Come, let's join them." She held out a spindly arm to Minnie, beckoning the child towards the classroom. But Minnie edged away even further.

"Come on, min, don't be naughty. If you behave well at school, Madam Teo will reward you. And you can make a lot of new friends inside. No-no, don't cry min. don’t cry. Here, take some tissue. Do you have tissue in your bag? Go on. No one will bully you." Madam Teo watched with beady, un-amused eyes as the mother half-dragged half-pulled the girl into the chattering classroom.

"Sorry Madam Teo, my daughter is quite jittery today... Usually she isn't like this... Thank you so much, teacher, and it was nice to meet you too."

Minnie strained her ears for her mother's footsteps, her eyes bleary as each thud grew fainter. She turned to face her desk partner. It was then that she realized- the boy was staring intently at her. She looked back at him innocently. He was tall for his age, and handsome. He had brown eyes, and tan skin.

"Hello, my name is Li WenGuo. What's your name? You look very shy." He beamed at her. Minnie blushed, but she liked him. He was friendly.

"My name is Minerva, but you can call me Minnie." She smiled sweetly back at him. Was this the love at first sight mommy had always spoken of?

- - - - - - - -

WenGuo was the best-looking boy in class, and many a time was proposed to. But he'd always turned the girl down, proclaiming to his gang of playful friends that his "girlfriend would always and for forever be Minnie."

Whenever his friends teased the shy girl, he would retaliate. After all, he was their leader. Anyone who disobeyed him could not "be his friend" anymore, nor be in the gang.

She, on the other hand, always made him imaginary food from her masak-masak set whenever he sat next to her in between lessons. "What do you want to eat today?" She would ask. And he always pretended to gobble up her meals with a ravenous appetite, although they were really tasteless.

He'd bought her tiny gifts now and then- like the pink bunny eraser with a roller that she'd wanted for a week. He'd sneaked sweets into class for her when she was sick. He'd held her hand once, when they were told to line up in pairs for a field trip.

He'd even tried to kiss her, but she'd moved away because she'd dropped her jacket. He had been too embarrassed to make a second attempt.

She was too shy to even brush her shoulders against him. Oh she remembered the time when she had to hold his hand in the zoo. She had turned a fluorescent color of red, she was sure. But WenGuo had taken care of her, and she had felt safe and protected. She had given him her snacks. She wasn't hungry anyway.

She had even tried to play with toy guns because he liked them, and ended up spraining her foot while chasing after an imaginary soldier.

But their puppy love romance was to come to an end just a short six months later.

- - - - - - - -

"Mom i don't want to move house!! Please!!! I want to stay HERE! HERE!! I don't want to go to a new school!!! Please i beg you!!"

"Sorry honey, but your daddy and i already decided. You can always make new friends at the new school. And it is a good boys' school. You will have a great time there."

“Mom!! pleeeease!! I will give you my play station, my power rangers!! You can take my ultra man glove!!! Don't move house PLEEEEEASE!!!"

“Honey, why are you so afraid of moving? It will be okay. Oh dear, don't cry." Mrs. Li moved her slender arms around her sobbing son, but he pushed them away rashly and ran angrily to his bedroom, banging the door as mightily as he could.

- - - - - - - -

Minnie was sitting in the school bus. Staring out of the tinted window, she watched curiously as the air coming out of her mouth clouded the window. Her hand traced the empty seat beside her. Was WenGuo late? She patted the handful of sweets in her pocket. He would like them. Wait a minute! She pressed her nose against the window. Was that WenGuo? Riding in the Mercedes? He must have woken up late. She waved cheerfully at him, jumping up and down on her seat.

WenGuo had been gazing out of his car window. No, it couldn't have been. Minnie was waving at him from the school bus. She'd have seen him looking at her. What should he do? What should he do? WenGuo smiled weakly to himself, then ignored her and looked ahead. He felt like kicking the car door open and running onto the road just to scream goodbye to her.

Minnie was shocked. WenGuo had ignored her. No, he wouldn't. He must have not seen her. She slouched further into her seat, glumly staring at his profile. The bus was reaching school now. It was turning to its left...

Wait! WenGuo's car was going straight ahead. Did his parents lose their way? She banged on the window, shouting directions. But she knew they couldn't hear. They were going in the wrong direction. They were going in the wrong direction!

But Minnie was a smart girl. She knew what was happening.

As the weight of her painful realization sunk in, tears began to pitter-patter on her tiny lap as she lightly touched the handful of sweets in her pocket.

*END*
22nd august 2007

image from http://media.photobucket.com/image/girl%20boy%20hold%20hands/natattack20/boy20girl20holding20hands20KA.jpg

undated untitled and unhappy

2007-11-21T03:13:00.000-08:00

cross this invisible line of ambibuity

like a tested runner's feet

fall upon this feeling

like raw dew to grass

in the mid afternoon

like chemicals combined

in the confines of a flask

reacting to contradicting natures

of the other

chance upon this wild mumur of sparks

that ignites its surroundings

like a wild forest fire

no, it is

more like becoming the victim of a lonesome assassin

who is struck and left helpless

for this well of raging fire

quenches all feelings of thirst

because it itself quenches all hope

of ever relishing in the taste of water again

and the uncontrolable lightning

travelling faster than a refugee

strikes the ground

making the earth shake

causing boundaries to be surpassed

the eyes of this devouring emotion

will never blink

and once the magical masquerade of calm

is taken away,

after the masked ball ends

so will the fairytale of ignorance

the tempest voices of sweet revenge

will consume its victim

and last forevermore

unquenched

Dinner at seven

2007-11-21T02:39:00.000-08:00

hey son

i called yesterday

spoke to the answering machine

for quite awhile

it's pretty much like

you

in a way

you both don't talk much

anyway

i'm free tonight

maybe dinner

hope you'll find it fine

just say you'll come

alright

french

chinese

or sushi

maybe a simple cheese and macaroni

you name it

you'll get it

hey son-

yeah dad, i'll be there
whatever dinner is
ok
i'll be there

great! be there by seven

and if you have forgotten

it's havelock avenue street eleven

back in some winding alley
six figures stay hunched
against their gateway car
having whisky and lunch

"tonight
we get that boy zack
he got our man dan
so we get him back

we know where he lives
for sure
but this even better
his old man's just down
this corner
Annaliese just got back to us
He's visitin tonight
And we're gonna make sure
it's the last time he getsta visit
and the first time
he getsta know
what is pain"

anna baby
i'm going off
to

my dad's place

he's gone wack
calling me eery ticking second
as if
he's gonna die
the minute
he take the phone

off his hand

sure zack honey
be back soon
yeah i'll miss you

the door swings close
to a shut
zack's footsteps
thud against
the dull flooring

outside.

anna
the
babe, baby, honey pie, sweetheart
calls a private number
on her cell
"he's on the way there
NOW
make him pay
a life for a life
and show him what's hell

for danny
your brother
our leader
and the love of my life

make him corrote
in his acid droplets
of tears
that will come"

the damp air
fizzled
with her
relieving tears

inside.

"Yes george

my son's coming

home

tonight!

he's the fuel

to the burning flame

of my pride

oh my son

has grown up fine

look

it's ten minutes

to seven

gotta go old guy

catch you soon

yeah see ya in heaven"

a hacking cough

a droplet of scarlet

spills into

the tomato soup

he's made

2nd stage

doctors said

laughter.

a man's gotta go

when a man's gotta go

the musical melody

fills his ears

clear to him

despite

decades of heardened

hearing

a craggy old smile

forms on his face

etched on

his aged face

he ambles

towards

the expectant doorway

pulls the knob-

an opening appears-

a force!

that is not his boy zack!

hidden by the night

has barged through!

A force

that is not his boy zack!

a dull thud on his head

penetrates

his soft skull

and

there is blood

dribbling down his belly

then nothing.

zack steps through
into the light
sheds his heavy coat.

wait.

NO
NO NO
NO NO NO

what have they set
here

a trail
of red steps
on the carpet

leading

to this monstrous sight

breathe

please
open your eyes

please, old guy
please, not like this
don't leave
like this

they bombard
his father's pale face,
his tears

and they find
a slip
of maroon stained
paper

"with love,
Annaliese"

image from http://www.sxc.hu/pic/m/x/xa/xaler/624505_blood_stained_shirt.jpg