Drained (a poem)

He is drained

Of life

Apparent in his weakened stance

and his aimless gaze

in his leathery skin

and his swollen legs

He is drained

Of hope

apparent in his defeated face

and his reckless ways

in his unfazed thoughts

to his remaining days

He is drained

Of love

apparent in his lonesome days

his wandering feet

his children are bereft

of the joy to meet

such an old man

who is left helpless

in his second phase of childhood

who cares not

what is good

or bad

For he is already

dead

his heart

is drumming along to

an irregular beat

he still has some control

over his arms and

his feet

but what is a man,

an old man,

in the face of this

in this face of death

and passing on

and the pull

of being again with those

he has missed

of those

he can meet very soon

and the joy

of leaving behind

his shrunken state

and his dying state

his slowing state

his drained state

Nemo

Nemo. 

A nobody. 

A shadow 

strayed 

apart 

from 

the limelight. 

But sometimes, its the littlest things in life that keep us going. A smile from the blue, or a pat on the shoulder from behind. These little gestures are what keeps humanity humane. For what human on earth can truly survive without human contact? 

On what flimsy evidence can he proudly proclaim that he does not survive on love, kinship or brotherhood? 

Knives through the spine. Little gossip that progresses into an astronomical sized hit, right upon your heart. 

The colossus monster that tears through every single one of your veins, leaving you a shadow of the past that grasps too hard onto what you used to be. 

Your mouth does not take your heed, and by the time its too late, you've turned the gargoyles to stone just thinking . 

Are you human? 

Or are you just about revenge, prancing in joy to the beat of atrocity, a projection invented to make miniscule impact on another shadow's life? 

Are you a parasite caused to invoke grief, siphone joy? A boring robot who has repeated one too many words already, just like a nagging parent? 

Or are you a something, 

that can work in progression, in hope of being a better version of yourself. 

Be there, or miss the chance of being relied upon. Just like crying wolf too many a time, when the authentic disaster strikes, no one will be there. 

You'll be a lone stick figure, singular in the storm. 

And when the lightning strikes and the thunder bellows in your ears, everyone else will be cowering away, leaving you behind. 

Like a mechanism that attaches itself onto chosen victims, so has this curse been fixed on many. 

Apalled at its silent yet fatal damage, should you strangle yourself or let the poison work while you waste away at the table side? 

Too many questions, far countless doubts. The human mind can only take so much, but how much it can take cannot be compared with others. They are weak. But they may be strong as compared to another. 

The purpose.

The heart. 

And the will. 

Take my heart Bend my achilles heel. 

Nemo. 

A nobody. 

Just wait till this star burns so bright, it'll turn you blind. Melt you away, eat you inside.

John Coffey ma'am, like the drink, only not spelt the same

"They killed each other with they love, that how it is, every single day."

TGM(the green mile) is really a show that has really got my brain churning. ALOT. John Coffey, Del, Brutal, Boss Hedegcomb. All great people in their own special ways. They've left a great imprint on me. I respected them, i felt so strongly for the characters. The movie experience was so deliriously touching.

Do people really deserve to be punished like in the show? Maybe not particularly in the same ways, but does the government have the right to take a life? That got me thinking real hard. Isnt capital punishment as bad as murder? No malicious intent is involved, but WHAT HUMAN BEING HAS A RIGHT TO ELIMINATE ANOTHER?

Human beings are all made imperfect, some with greater faults than others. But who else has the right to judge than one who has attained perfection? And according to the cliche verse, "No one is perfect." And it remains so from the day we are delivered into earth, all the way till we step into our own "old sparky". ( an affectionate term used for the electric chair in the movie)

Capital punishment. As displayed in the show, an innocent man ( a mircale of God's) was killed beacause he tried to save the lives of two young girls. Evidence was pointing against him. Race and color was a handicap. Size was a contradiction. Yet, against all characteristics, HE WAS INNOCENT.

Assumption.

Who will really know the true and extact circumstances of any happening unless he is a supreme being? We are but humans. Although some times evidence opints to an answer almost too clear, what happens, then, when evidence is a red herring, a misleading bunch of facts that create misconceptions? Evidence, also, to its utmost usefulness, can only tell you what an offender did, not why. Reasons, pragmatics, logic.

Sometimes, human emotion takes the better of all these. Emotinos are unsually what makes a person do what he wants. Although it may not always be right, shouldnt everyone be given a chance to be a better individual? Downplay the idea of capital punishment: Imagine you've done something very very wrong. You're repentant, you're filled with a sense of guilt and the desire for atonement, you're penitent. But no matter what you try to do,the people around you (or whoever else for that matter) dont forgive you. Whose fault is it, then?

My conclusion then, ends with a question. What is right and wrong without forgiveness and grace?

Another poem: Just for you John Coffey

Lonely as a sparrow 

Ambling in the rain 

Wanting to make the world alive 

Loving others in vain 

Blessed by almighty God Cursed by trecherous men 

When then could he show 

His utmost worth again 

He tried to save them lives 

However time intervened 

In the end 

Another life was taken 

Twas his 

A silent panther crouching 

in apprehent 

Tame despite account 

He was as timorous of the dark 

As many others were afraid of God 

Cold tingling beads of pespiration 

Line his musculine frame 

And a sweet stupid nightmare 

Could wake him up 

insane 

He said he was 

sorry for what he'd done 

He couldn't take it back 

But what other daft men perceived 

Was a vision assumed and mad 

He could never ever forget the sweet, 

lingering whispers Of the two mishapped blonde dolls 

So frail, so brittle 

could not forget their wails 

I'm desperately besieged! 

Oh how i mourn! 

For the loss Of seraphs like you 

You'll never know 

Then How much pain Everyday, that i go through 

For my lovely girls 

I hear the cries 

Of everyone Around 

I bemoan all night 

In silent thought Of the wreckage all humanity 

Has wrought 

Thou timid, fidget in his build 

Behold a mask Of courage, love and miracle 

That forevermore will last 

He walked the mile 

Sat in a pool of death 

Fingers trembling Eyes are pouring With tears constant like rain 

God have mercy on your soul God only who has control 

I love you son You've done me proud 

You can sleep for now 

And when you wake up, 

you'll find You're in heaven 

So sleep and smile Close your eyes 

Abandon this earth 

Open your arms 

I know your worth 

I'll blow a kiss Of merciful love 

So lay your mind aside 

My sweet kind dove 

Because i love you so 

You're taken And you're mine

END

Minnie and Wen Guo (a puppy love story)

It was the first time Minnie had seen so many children.

Clinging to the hem of her mother's skirt, her tiny feet padded on the floor. Her footsteps gradually became inaudible as the drone of parents' voices and children’s' loud wails grew louder. Teachers were making attempts at reassuring children and parents, obviously in a hurry to conduct lessons.

"Don't worry, if you are a good girl, mommy will pick you up earlier okay?"

"See, you want a lollipop? If you are a good boy teacher will give you one okay? Which color do you like?"

Minnie didn't cry, but that did not mean that she wasn't afraid. In fact she was more than afraid; she was petrified and scared stiff. The color was drained from her porcelain skin, and her rosy lips were parched. She needed water. She needed a lollipop. She needed her mommy.

Minnie tumbled along the school corridors- her child like stance making it quite impossible to keep up with her anxious mother.

"Come on, min, the earlier the better. So you can meet your new classmates sooner okay? Don't be scared, come on, and walk faster. If you continue like this you can only reach your classroom at Christmas."

"Yes mama." At these words, the six year old girl put up a fake show of bravado, pretending she was a stout soldier marching to war. Acquiescing halfheartedly to her mother's request to walk faster, her heart started to pound wilder than ever. Class 1E was only ten paces away.

A smiling lady was waiting expectantly at the classroom door. Despite her continuous smile, Minnie could detect the strain behind it. She became stiff. The lady reminded her of grandma Tabitha. Gran Tab the scare- her cousins called her. This lady was exuding the same overbearing aura as grandma, only she was younger by two decades.

"Hello, you must be Mrs. Lim! I'm Madam Teo. And this must be..." Her long, willowy forefinger trailed down the list she was holding. Minerva Lim Yi Min. Hello Minerva, welcome to 1E. The rest of the students are already inside. Come, let's join them." She held out a spindly arm to Minnie, beckoning the child towards the classroom. But Minnie edged away even further.

"Come on, min, don't be naughty. If you behave well at school, Madam Teo will reward you. And you can make a lot of new friends inside. No-no, don't cry min. don’t cry. Here, take some tissue. Do you have tissue in your bag? Go on. No one will bully you." Madam Teo watched with beady, un-amused eyes as the mother half-dragged half-pulled the girl into the chattering classroom.

"Sorry Madam Teo, my daughter is quite jittery today... Usually she isn't like this... Thank you so much, teacher, and it was nice to meet you too."

Minnie strained her ears for her mother's footsteps, her eyes bleary as each thud grew fainter. She turned to face her desk partner. It was then that she realized- the boy was staring intently at her. She looked back at him innocently. He was tall for his age, and handsome. He had brown eyes, and tan skin.

"Hello, my name is Li WenGuo. What's your name? You look very shy." He beamed at her. Minnie blushed, but she liked him. He was friendly.

"My name is Minerva, but you can call me Minnie." She smiled sweetly back at him. Was this the love at first sight mommy had always spoken of?

- - - - - - - -

WenGuo was the best-looking boy in class, and many a time was proposed to. But he'd always turned the girl down, proclaiming to his gang of playful friends that his "girlfriend would always and for forever be Minnie."

Whenever his friends teased the shy girl, he would retaliate. After all, he was their leader. Anyone who disobeyed him could not "be his friend" anymore, nor be in the gang.

She, on the other hand, always made him imaginary food from her masak-masak set whenever he sat next to her in between lessons. "What do you want to eat today?" She would ask. And he always pretended to gobble up her meals with a ravenous appetite, although they were really tasteless.

He'd bought her tiny gifts now and then- like the pink bunny eraser with a roller that she'd wanted for a week. He'd sneaked sweets into class for her when she was sick. He'd held her hand once, when they were told to line up in pairs for a field trip.

He'd even tried to kiss her, but she'd moved away because she'd dropped her jacket. He had been too embarrassed to make a second attempt.

She was too shy to even brush her shoulders against him. Oh she remembered the time when she had to hold his hand in the zoo. She had turned a fluorescent color of red, she was sure. But WenGuo had taken care of her, and she had felt safe and protected. She had given him her snacks. She wasn't hungry anyway.

She had even tried to play with toy guns because he liked them, and ended up spraining her foot while chasing after an imaginary soldier.

But their puppy love romance was to come to an end just a short six months later.

- - - - - - - -

"Mom i don't want to move house!! Please!!! I want to stay HERE! HERE!! I don't want to go to a new school!!! Please i beg you!!"

"Sorry honey, but your daddy and i already decided. You can always make new friends at the new school. And it is a good boys' school. You will have a great time there."

“Mom!! pleeeease!! I will give you my play station, my power rangers!! You can take my ultra man glove!!! Don't move house PLEEEEEASE!!!"

“Honey, why are you so afraid of moving? It will be okay. Oh dear, don't cry." Mrs. Li moved her slender arms around her sobbing son, but he pushed them away rashly and ran angrily to his bedroom, banging the door as mightily as he could.

- - - - - - - -

Minnie was sitting in the school bus. Staring out of the tinted window, she watched curiously as the air coming out of her mouth clouded the window. Her hand traced the empty seat beside her. Was WenGuo late? She patted the handful of sweets in her pocket. He would like them. Wait a minute! She pressed her nose against the window. Was that WenGuo? Riding in the Mercedes? He must have woken up late. She waved cheerfully at him, jumping up and down on her seat.

WenGuo had been gazing out of his car window. No, it couldn't have been. Minnie was waving at him from the school bus. She'd have seen him looking at her. What should he do? What should he do? WenGuo smiled weakly to himself, then ignored her and looked ahead. He felt like kicking the car door open and running onto the road just to scream goodbye to her.

Minnie was shocked. WenGuo had ignored her. No, he wouldn't. He must have not seen her. She slouched further into her seat, glumly staring at his profile. The bus was reaching school now. It was turning to its left...

Wait! WenGuo's car was going straight ahead. Did his parents lose their way? She banged on the window, shouting directions. But she knew they couldn't hear. They were going in the wrong direction. They were going in the wrong direction!

But Minnie was a smart girl. She knew what was happening.

As the weight of her painful realization sunk in, tears began to pitter-patter on her tiny lap as she lightly touched the handful of sweets in her pocket.

*END*
22nd august 2007

image from http://media.photobucket.com/image/girl%20boy%20hold%20hands/natattack20/boy20girl20holding20hands20KA.jpg

undated untitled and unhappy

cross this invisible line of ambibuity

like a tested runner's feet

fall upon this feeling

like raw dew to grass

in the mid afternoon

like chemicals combined

in the confines of a flask

reacting to contradicting natures

of the other

chance upon this wild mumur of sparks

that ignites its surroundings

like a wild forest fire

no, it is

more like becoming the victim of a lonesome assassin

who is struck and left helpless

for this well of raging fire

quenches all feelings of thirst

because it itself quenches all hope

of ever relishing in the taste of water again

and the uncontrolable lightning

travelling faster than a refugee

strikes the ground

making the earth shake

causing boundaries to be surpassed

the eyes of this devouring emotion

will never blink

and once the magical masquerade of calm

is taken away,

after the masked ball ends

so will the fairytale of ignorance

the tempest voices of sweet revenge

will consume its victim

and last forevermore

unquenched

Dinner at seven

hey son

i called yesterday

spoke to the answering machine

for quite awhile

it's pretty much like

you

in a way

you both don't talk much

anyway

i'm free tonight

maybe dinner

hope you'll find it fine

just say you'll come

alright

french

chinese

or sushi

maybe a simple cheese and macaroni

you name it

you'll get it

hey son-

yeah dad, i'll be there

whatever dinner is

ok

i'll be there

great! be there by seven

and if you have forgotten

it's havelock avenue street eleven

back in some winding alley

six figures stay hunched

against their gateway car

having whisky and lunch

"tonight

we get that boy zack

he got our man dan

so we get him back

we know where he lives

for sure

but this even better

 his old man's just down

this corner

Annaliese just got back to us

He's visitin tonight

And we're gonna make sure

it's the last time he getsta visit

and the first time

he getsta know

what is pain"

anna baby

i'm going off

to

my dad's place

he's gone wack

calling me eery ticking second

as if

he's gonna die

the minute

he take the phone

off his hand

sure zack honey

be back soon

yeah i'll miss you

the door swings close

to a shut

zack's footsteps

thud against

the dull flooring

outside.

anna

the

babe, baby, honey pie, sweetheart

calls a private number

on her cell

"he's on the way there

NOW

make him pay

a life for a life

and show him what's hell

for danny

your brother

our leader

and the love of my life

make him corrote 

in his acid droplets 

of tears

that will come"

the damp air 

fizzled 

with her

relieving tears

inside.

"Yes george

my son's coming

home

tonight!

he's the fuel

to the burning flame

of my pride

oh my son

has grown up fine

look

it's ten minutes

to seven

gotta go old guy

catch you soon

yeah see ya in heaven"

a hacking cough

a droplet of scarlet

spills into

the tomato soup

he's made

2nd stage

doctors said

laughter.

a man's gotta go

when a man's gotta go

the musical melody

fills his ears

clear to him

despite

decades of heardened

hearing

a craggy old smile

forms on his face

etched on

his aged face

he ambles

towards

the expectant doorway

pulls the knob-

an opening appears-

a force!

that is not his boy zack!

hidden by the night

has barged through!

A force

that is not his boy zack!

a dull thud on his head

penetrates

his soft skull

and

there is blood

dribbling down his belly

then nothing.

zack steps through

into the light

sheds his heavy coat.

wait.

NO

NO NO

NO NO NO

what have they set

here

a trail

of red steps

on the carpet

leading

to this monstrous sight

NO

breathe

please

open your eyes

please, old guy

please, not like this

don't leave

like this

they bombard

his father's pale face,

his tears

and they find

a slip

of maroon stained

paper

"with love,

Annaliese"

image from http://www.sxc.hu/pic/m/x/xa/xaler/624505_blood_stained_shirt.jpg