gifts and curses

I hear the wind call your name
It calls me back home again
It sparks up the fire - a flame that still burns
Oh it's to you I'll always return
I still feel your breath on my skin
I hear your voice deep within
The sound of my lover - a feeling so strong
It's to you - I'll always belong

Now I know it's true
My every road leads to you
And in the hour of darkness darlin'
Your light gets me through

Wanna swim in your river - be warmed by your sun
Bathe in your waters - cos you are the one
I can't stand the distance - I can't dream alone
I can't wait to see you - Ya I'm on my way home

Oh I hear the wind call your name
The sound that leads me home again
It sparks up the fire - a flame that still burns
Oh, it's to you - I will always return

love's a decision and a commitment. feeling? zilch at all. okay, maybe a bit.

you dont wake up every single day feeling like the world's a better place just because you have that special someone who cares for and loves you.
you dont form this untouchable bond that deems you a single hearted, one-minded person who doesnt get attracted to other people.
you dont feel like its magic all the time, and sometimes, you hardly know whats going on at all. you can never say never or ever yes.
you dont know if he/she is 'the one'. no one ever does. but time is the only answer to that question

yet

love is what keeps many of us going
a decision made that can only be carried out with feelings interjected in between, regularly, and continually done with commitment.

love lifts us up where we belong
and all we need is love

Hey There NYC

Hey

There

Pretty

Skyline

Hey there new york city

With your Christmas lights so pretty

Will you miss me new york city

When im gone

I want to stay but ive got home

Ive got to go

Hey there new york city

Over here I’ve left a part of me

Take care of my heart for me

The little part I left behind

You’ll be on my mind

Cause I’ve got a hug waiting for me

A kiss and a welcome back written on my sleeve

I’ve got my family waiting for me

Including the ones I picked up along the way

Hey there new york city

Hows it like, hows it been

Im back home and I’ve been wishing

To see you again

To breathe your winds

To smell your air

Hey new york city

I’ve been busy, really busy

Looks like we’ve got to wait awhile

To meet again

To shake our hands

Conspire at night

When the time’s right…

Cause I need the hugs waiting for me

The kisses and hellos written on my warmer sleeve

My family who needs me

Including the ones I picked up along the way

So I cant stay

Bye NYC!

PMUNC freaks me out. PMUNC tires me out. PMUNC hear me out.

three words:

I FEEL LIKE I HAVE AN IQ OF FORTY ONE POINT SIX. 


See, I'm too stupid to even count properly.

looking at NYC thru my hotel room window

i guess, when you're further away

you tend to see details slightly clearer

you leave the things and people you've

been basking in for awhile

and you gaze upon the skyline

with an eagle's view

and you stay silent, thinking
looking at the yellow taxi that's driving a bit too fast
the tree that's slightly too barren
the sky that isnt as pretty and awe inspiring as you thought it was
the building that actually looks... tired

and you think about your friends back home

you feel slightly too far away

you talk to one special one

and God speaks thru him to you

Lord,

I am sorry for relying too much on other people and their love, and forgetting that You are love. Lord, i realize i cannot live alone, and these friends and family are truly a blessing from You, but i have forgotten that Lord, you above all else, are my truest lover, and my deepest friend, whose love for me is wider and deeper and stronger than any other love.

Help me to each day, before seeking my friends and loved ones, seek You, wanting to spend time with You, in pure adoration of Your goodness and kindness and gracia to me. Help me Lord, also, to fuel myself with Your divine love, and not the love of people.

Help me then to love others with Your love. I praise You for You work in the most wondrous ways. Will You take away negative feelings and replace them with wisdom in action.

In Your Blessed Name i pray

Amen

'I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

'As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

'You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other.'

John 15

times square encircles me (a poem for YOU)

YOU are the person that misses me, that loves me, that is a friend. YOU know who you are. and YOU, in this case, is PLURAL. haha

the picture does injustice to the real thing

its amazing
the city life
the heart of
a beating crowd

but i cant help
but to remember
how the sound of
yours is much more
loud

its devastating looking
at this magic place
and knowing i'll be gone soon

but even more heart wrenching
to think i'd never ever see you

in america
its pretty and cold

and i miss you

P.S
God sent me here for a reason
and He has blessed me greatly thus far
why should i be afraid?

For my Lord, my God, goes before me, and comforts me. <3

God of my forever, You are worthy of my praise

God Of My Youth I Remember
Your Call On My Life Took Me O'er
Your Love Has Seen Me Through All My Days
I Stand Here By Your Grace

On This Altar I've Written My Life
Tells Of The Story I Have With You My Lord
I Want The World To Know

Chorus:
God Of My Forever
And Forever I'm With You
My Life Is Saved With A Price
Your Sacrifice Redeemed My Soul
God Of My Forever
And Forever I Will Sing
My Greatest Honor Will Always Be
To Serve My Lord And King

Verse 2:
God Of My All I've Surrendered
My Heart Finds Its Rest In Your Word
Praises Will Not Be Enough To Show
How My Love For You Has Grown

Nothing Matters When You're Here With Me
In The End Just To Hear You Say Well Done
Bowing Before Your Throne

Bridge:
Forever And Ever
Jesus You Alone In Glory Reign
Forever And Ever
With You I Walk This Narrow Way

being lazy can cause you to feel really tired. believe me.

because i am. 

use me as a case study, im free from 8am in the mornings till 12am at night. Why? Oh, simply because my mother switches off the internet connexion at precisely that time everyday. Oh, no, I'm sorry! No using me as a case study, because my phone has been confiscated.

Yes, while the rest of you are happily talking about nothing on msn or commenting on some unknown person's picture on FB, or twittering about something, or blogging like i am now, i am either

a) quarreling with my mother and pleading for more time on the internet so i can do legitimate, serious, not very interesting...

WORK.

b) washing up in the toilet. because i am a smelly, unhygienic girl, and i procrastinate. Yes, even on shower time.

c) SLEEPING! although my mom doesn't seem to realize, i want to sleep! I'd sleep at ten if i could! (okay, maybe not.) But i want to complete my assignments!

which leads us back to point A.

She doesnt allow me to.

okay, i should change the title of this post.

being lazy can cause you to feel really cranky about yourself.

P.S This is me, not listening up in class.

novel magic (pun intended)

PART ONE

This first part is dedicated to a very special friend, who has been through lots of stuff with me and for me. Someone with lots of wit, and who is extremely morbid. Someone who should wear more colors on his/her shoulders. Someone who is dearly loved by God and shops that sell black apparel.

P.S I told you our lives and experiences were made for TV!

- - - - 

Chapter 26 - Madness Comes from Petroleum.

Jeremy and Ashley were walking along Eunos Link expressway. It was nice - having bags as the only weights on them for the moment.

"I think God sent you into my life to-" She stepped hastily up onto a ledge.

"-Help me grow up." She smiled at her friend in black. She laughed like the child she was, at her own lame joke. The two of them laughed at each other as they waited for the road to open up for them.

"You think this is visual comm is it?" He said. She shook her head whilst giggling, one eye closed all the time.

"Well, Jeremy," She grinned. "I think sometimes, God sends signs into our lives to tell us when to stop... And when to-" The traffic light turned a fluorescent green.

"Go." She pranced around like a ladybug on fire, at the same time crossing the road. He smacked his forehead in mock exasperation. Jeremy scratched a pimple on his face. There was a Garang Guni man on a bicycle up ahead. A huge stack of used belongings was stacked precariously on his cackling vehicle.

"Wait, wait, what about this-" Ashley waved her arms in the air as she beheld an invisible screen in the sky. The man was cycling closer. There wasn't enough space on the path for all three of them. Jeremy raised an eyebrow.

"Sometimes," She smiled, as she stepped lightly onto the grass-patch on the side of the pathway.

"We have to give way-" The man cycled past them - him on the path, the two friends on the grass.

"To help others." She bent over with laughter. Jeremy stared at her in shock for a few seconds, then decided to give in. He sniggered, whites showing. It was getting slightly dark, and very soon the HDB lights would go off. This was the favorite part of Ashley's day - where people were on their ways home and the moon took over.

They walked towards the zebra crossing. There was a woman in red standing impatiently as cars zoomed past her and on the painfully ignored zebra crossing. Ashley thought of another way to make it a metaphor.

"Sometimes... Cars just don't give way for impatient people!" She breathed out the words through her dry lips.

"That didn't even make sense!" Jeremy gave her an expressionless face.

"Haha. I know!" They crossed over to the other side of the street, sources of light and sound in the peaceful atmosphere. They looked so... squarish, so cookie-cutter regular. Two bicycles honked crudely from afar.

"Left." Ashley muttered. The two moved quickly to the left of the path as the cyclist took over them from their right sides. They walked in silence for a moment. Suddenly, Jeremy veered sharply off the cement path. He trod carefully on wild wet grass as he made his way onto the emerald colored patch of uncultivated land. Ashley looked forward at the looming path, and shot him a weird side glance.

"What are you doing?" She pointed toward the path they were supposed to take.

"Follow!" Jeremy smiled, conspiring with him and himself as he beckoned her toward him.

She rolled her eyes, then stepped onto the unshaped earth warily, afraid of getting her slippers on well-hidden dog poo. Those things were like rushed and unfinished CA1 assignments - When you glanced at it from afar, it seemed okay, but when you got yourself in it, you knew you were in deep trouble.

He stopped after half a dozen steps. He smiled in a cartoon-like manner to his friend. Pointing to a pile of weeds that somehow managed to look like flowers, he cleared his throat.

"WHAT?" She demanded.

"Sometimes, we have to take time to stop and look at the flowers."

"WHAT!" Ashley said again, this time as an exclamation, as the ! mark would have told you. She laughed wildly. Ashley hit him hard on the back, her fingers aching after she did so.

"HAHAHA!" Was all he could manage for the moment, so she joined in. After all, it was Metaphor Madness Day.

"You know what, anti-sexism states that we should treat women the same way men are treated." Jeremy smiled at Ashley.

PIAK. He hit her equally hard on her back.

"Ow!" She laughed. Thoughts encircled her skull, and she thought of something.

"You know, we all believe in the law of doing unto others, as they have done unto us!" She smacked him even harder than she did previously, but this time, her clumsy fingers flung the glasses off his face, as she slapped his face by accident.

"You slapped me!" They laughed atrociously, like mad chickens that just laid green eggs.

"Sorry dude!" She clutched her laptop bag as the syllables flew out of her mouth: Ha, Ho, Hee. It varied between the three.

They walked in silence for half a beat.

"We're supposed to be a civilized society, Jeremy Teo!" He nodded, stopped his hand in mid-air, promptly ending their backslapping competition. They walked along the familiar pathway. People were waiting patiently (maybe not) at the bus stop. They looked almost like mannequins, with their closed eyes, stoned eyes, and drab faces.

"Jeremy, i swear we come right out of a storybook! You know what, if we walk far enough, I bet we'd reach the edge of this page and crawl right out of the novel we're in!" He laughed, the veins on his neck popping slightly.

"Ah! The lights!" He drawled as he cringed at the imaginary TV lights that shined straight in his face, crouching slightly with his hands above his head like an Osama cornered by multiple helicopters. She clapped her hands in delight.

"You think this is the Truman show is it!" He pushed her on the head. They slowed down a little.

"Haha-" Ashley knocked her hand lightly on a pillar, as if it were a door instead.

"This, my friend, is actually cardboard." 

She pointed to something else. "That, my dear ignorant friend, is construction paper. Those are held by nothing but glue!" They laughed simultaneously. The day sky was retiring, and its counterpart was more than glad to take over. A few HDB lights had come on. They looked very much like stars.

"K luh, here's me." Ashley's voice drifted into the setting atmosphere. The day was gone, and night had come to take over, with sleep in its stardust and dinner under its gaze.

She stopped at the junction between the converging paths. Tilting her head slightly, she waved goodbye to her friend. Jeremy smiled, and turned to walk away.

"Bye!" He called out, his back already turned. Ashley walked off to her own home, feeling very much like a character from a storybook. The clouds drew away.

Chapter 27 - It doesn't work that way. But we shall keep walking.

PART TWO

This is dedicated to a very loved individual, who I’m getting to know and adore so much more everyday. This for you, someone very special in his/her own right, and his own ways. Someone who’s been through heartache before, and someone who is so much more than he/she seems. Someone who should sleep earlier and wake up on time. Someone who should never leave Skype. And never skip class again.

P.S: My cherry :)

- - - -

Chapter One - If roses are red, and violets are blue, then I know ...:)

Annah looked at her laptop, her fingers itchy though her head was tired. She clicked on her blogpage. And started to type…

Annah had gone up to get her module notes and her guitar.

The sight that greeted her eyes when she opened the door made her cringe in horror. The TV on, and a slackened figure covering the sofa’s hide, she walked past it without a single word. Changing into her FBT shorts, she smiled to herself as she thought of what was waiting for her.

She closed the door without any gentleness. It clanged to a great shut as she pressed the lift button.

It opened onto the dark and cool lobby. Annah slid out of it, carrying the guitar with her. Contrary to popular belief, hidden deep within the Ibanez casing was a cheap, ordinary yamaha classical guitar that cost nothing. Heck, it wasn’t even hers. But that didn’t matter for now. She walked toward him. He had been waiting. She took her place opposite him, her ears listening to the treasure trove they were sitting in. It was as if they had sat there many times before, without losing the excitement of it all.

Rain was dripping slowly and languidly onto the pavement. The air swayed, and sashayed towards higher skies. A slight breeze blew into the Senior Citizen’s Corner, enveloping the two silhouetted figures at the table.

“It’s cold.” Annah shivered slightly, eyes smiling at him. His eyebrows knitted high together in worried wonder.

“If only I brought the awesome jacket.” He reached forward to place a skinny hand on her head.

“Uh-uh. The awesome jacket.” She crinkled her nose, pulling herself in tighter. They opened their notes – Her first, then he.

They stopped studying. It was so peaceful. They had talked, and they had laughed. Time was endless, a flowing entity that seemed very far away. She had done her quiet time whilst he made use of the cheap guitar; his voice and guitar music soothing in its own untrained way, and comforting in the cold.

“If you were an MRT seat, what would you do?” He asked her.

“I’d put cushions on myself so people would have a comfy ride and be less grumpy in the mornings.” Annah replied.

“Wow. You’d do that for people that fart on you.” He laughed with her.

“What about you?” Annah placed her chin on the round stone table. Her eyes glanced at all her notes, none of which were spread out in logical order.

“I’d have sharp, poky things on me so no one would sit on me,” He answered. Annah smacked the table and laughed.

“You are so evil.”

“If you were cough medicine what would you do?” He asked her again.

“I’d kill all the other cough medicine in mass suicide through burning!”

Anna opened a packet drink. She was more thirsty than she’d realized. A ringing lullaby wafted into her ears. Her mom was back. She opened the door, greeted by the delightful smell of dinner. She sat down to eat, hungry and slightly more tired than before. She starte d typing again.

He was about to go.

“Hey wait. I’ve got something I owe you.”

“Yeah?” Oh, the look in his contact-lensed eyes was just too cute to be true.

“Hug?”

He smiled, and she hugged him. She sitting down, and he on his feet. It lasted for all of 0.5832083 seconds. It was kind of awkward, but she felt happy.

"I get lost in this world

I get lost in your eyes

And when the lights go down

That's where I'll be found"

- lost by anouk

sung on a beautiful day

Us in a song

You make me smile

Like im high on something

Even when you say

Nothing

I cant deny how much i

Adore you

I wrote you this song

Hoping that if you’d hear it

Then maybe you’d like it

And sing along

And give me a cushiony red

Heart too J

We’ll fly off together

To Paris and Rome

And wherever you want

As long as we feel

At home

We go online

When it’s close to midnight

And when we talk it’s just so right

Cause I love

Whatever you say and do

We’ll laugh at mistakes

Scold each other and frown

Maybe feel too damn down

But know that you’ve

Got me

You’ve got me

That’s us in a song

And love its so easy to see

That when we move on

I’ll be with you

And you’d be with me

on being busy

    busy, busy, busy bee.

                     busy bee, can't you see?

                        busy is as busy does.

put down your honey

                             for awhile

busy, busy, busy, bee

                         hungry bee flies by me

i blossom and let out my charms

               stay with me

                                        i'll make you smile

                                                                                         busy, busy, my busy bee

                                                                                              how can you just go by me?

                                                                       i've withered and grown

                                                                                                     no more your young

                                                                                             flower you could

                                                                                                              play on

goodbye to addiction

I AM OFF FACEBOOK!!!!!

i will miss it so much.

but i'd rather miss it than fail badly for all my modules.

i'll miss commenting on peoples' pictures and doing social interviews. (lol)

but whatever.

thank God for the courage on deleting it!

it wasnt that difficult.

anyone wanting to delete their accounts tell me.

anyone contemplating the idea but is too scared to do it, tell me

and here is where i insert

a

(devillish grin)

MWAHAH!

goodbye FB!

i think i'm on a blog-craze now. okay, i think i'm just really bored AND inspired.

the things i hear and the things i remember. one other common factor?

i love their authors.

"dont make threats unless you can carry them out. it makes you look weak." - j****

whatever dude. haha you're my tbp.

"-oh what a cute puppy! and then they take it out of the cage, right, and then suddenly, RAWR! it rips his head off. HAHAHA!" - s*****

hahahahahahaha pig! who's your boss!!

"oh what a pirate you are!...ae sing leh!" - n***

hahahahahahahhaa OHAAAANAAAA

"hey potato... if only i was as busy as you." - j****

hahahahahaha idiot! big hug* youre an awesome friend

"you know that people are just attracted to you. and they listen to you." - j*******

i thank God for you :)

"remember to take your jacket, and an umbrella maybe! =x" - d***

hi <3

"mou mou ren la! don't care about us already lor!" a**** & e*****

you two are the sweetest ever girl pals

"yakooooooooooooooooot! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!" - d***** m*****

i miss you :(

"hey my dear sis, how have you been? :p" - c***** j**

thank God for you dear sis :)

"tze ah! can you clean your mess up! so messy the dining table, how many times have i told you not to put your books here!" - M*M

you're the world's best mom!

that's all i can rmb for now! so dear friend, dont fret if you read this and you dont see your voice!

tell me if i forgot about you.

cause im doing this really quickly.

and its not because youre easily forgettable that i forgot about you. i just have a very bad brain.

:)

i love you all, angels on earth with no wings and an invisible halo.

<3

and here's another one, cause city & color is inspiring me

things i want to do with/for/to you:

1. dance with you at a dinner that's coming up. and see you in a suit.

2. give you a hug simply to say "i love you."

3. talk about God with you.

4. bring you to church :p

5. write you more songs. and sing them to you.

6. see you again. :)

7. go look at horses in another country together.

8. go to spotlight with a lot of money in our hands :)

9. tell you everyday, how i feel about you.

10. pray with you.

11. talk about our insecurities together and fake-cry with each other :)

12. walk to pungool or sentosa or anywhere we want.

13. go shopping with you. HAHAHAHAHA

14. go to the zoo. pretty please.

15. grow old <3

Hi you :)

do you want to go? it's getting late.

the man looks around. what are these things around him?

he looks down at the ground. white, shining pristinely.

his feet are tired. His feet have trod upon places too far.

and yet he hears a voice calling,

"do you want to go? it's getting late."

the man tries to see where he is. A faint line in the background.

it slides along to his own heartbeat. Almost inaudible

His ears hear nothing but the loud, overworked thud of his organs

and yet he hears a voice calling,

"do you want to go? it's getting late."

the man feels alive. But only because he grabs at any part of it he has left.

he knows he is drifting. like fish in the water's current

he goes where he cant choose. but he is waiting.

and yet he hears a voice calling,

"do you want to go? it's getting late."

the man can feel them outside. near his outer casing they stand.

they stare at him forlornly, talking in louder tones, thinking he can hear.

he can. but he's too tired to understand.

and yet he hears a voice calling,

"do you want to go? it's getting late."

"I've been waiting.

So have you."

"yes I have," the man says.

"So, time to unplug, don't you think?"

"yes, i think so," the man agrees.

and the doctors write something down

on their little, noisy notepads.

the children wish they had more.

but they dont.

the vultures wished they were allowed to feast.

but they have primer areas to go to.

and for a moment, everything is blur.

but then he undresses. and he releases.

white hair trembling with the wind

as he ascends

"do you want to go? It's getting late."

the baby cries and gurgles

and mouths okay, with a little turning of its fingers

as it nestles in its mother's womb.

its excited heart pumps

as it hears the first sounds of its life

"do you want to go? cause it's getting late, granddad."